


you weren't here

by windupkatya



Series: love and 80s bands [2]
Category: Sing Street (2016)
Genre: Angry Confession, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fighting, It's 1985, M/M, POV Third Person, References to Duran Duran, Sad, Sad! Eamon, dublin- freeform, lowercase intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9526925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windupkatya/pseuds/windupkatya
Summary: "we did it, eams." the lawlor boy's voice cracked."yeah we did, mate."(aka what i think what happened after the end of sing street with eamon and conor.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally supposed to be roughly 1000-1500 words. woops. but as my friend cassidy said, sometimes you get sucked into the story. i hope you all enjoy :)  
> xoxo, eams

a thin glaze of sweat lined eamon’s forehead as he walked off the rotting gymnasium stage, letting sing street’s first gig come to an end. their fellow classmate’s reaction to their gig was better than expected. mere hours ago, they were the laughing stocks of the school. look at them now. a loud chant of “sing street” echoed the wooden room, followed with boos as father baxter turned back on the main lighting.

as rabbit boy set down his red electric guitar, his arms were immediately taken up again. this time by his stinky, sweaty bandmate, conor. his breathing was heavy, and his black turtleneck was just damp enough that eamon could feel it himself. the two tightened their grip on each other as the realization of what they did came in like a tornado, wreaking any other thought they had in mind.

“we did it, eams.” the lawlor boy’s voice cracked.

“yeah, we did mate.” he whispered into the other’s ear, his heart speeding up at the longingness and desire burning deep in his chest. he dared to wonder what it would feel like to feel conor’s skin against his, no longer with the charcoal fabric of their clothes between them. 

the two let go, but lingered a second longer than usual. eamon thought he knew why, but conor’s motives were different. 

as they walked underneath the dublin lights, the lawlor boy grabbed rabbit boy’s free hand, and spun him around to face him. the yellowed streetlamp above them highlighted conor’s natural features, causing eamon to gulp deeply. 

“i’m going.” his voice was no longer radiating with the confidence it did mere hours ago on stage. it was hardly audible.

“okay, well i’ll see you tomorrow then.” eamon’s lips flicked up into a smile, trying not to focus on the fact that his wrist was still being held by his sham. 

conor hesitated, turning his attention from his best friend in front of him, to the streetlight above.

“well, yeah, okay.” his smile was a quick one, just a flash.

“goodnight, conor.” 

“night, eams.” he let go of rabbit boy’s wrist before turning north to head back to his dilapidated home. under his breath, he couldn’t help but mumble “i’ll miss you.” 

-

eamon leaned against the synge street welcoming gate, waiting for his best sham to push past the crowds of christian boys and bum a smoke with him. 

after waiting for 20 minutes and burning through 3 sticks of hash, eams sighed and stomped out his butt. the ring of the late bell echoed the courtyard, causing him and a couple other guys to drag themselves into the hellhole. 

during french, he hardly paid attention. conor had never missed a day of school since he transferred, especially the morning after their gig that went swimmingly. in his swarm of thoughts, he decided that he had to investigate after school, if he could wait that long.

-

for once, the monotonous ring of the bell seemed like a godsent to rabbit boy. he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. all he wanted to know was where his best friend was, and why he wasn’t by his side all day. 

the quietness of the neighbourhood street was nothing compared the the thumping of eamon’s heart that overwhelmed his other senses. after school, he didn’t see raphina in her usual spot at the end of her steps with messy hair and a cigarette dangling off her lips. this could all be a mere coincidence, but he couldn’t help but assume things that he didn’t want to.

he knew conor liked her the minute he saw her. she was the reason they met in the first place- he had no business falling for the boy who was trying to get the girl. that’s not how love stories work. it’s always the guy gets the girl with his best friend sidekick, not the guy falling for his best friend. a glimmer of hope still shone brightly in eamon’s heart, but today he could feel it faded like the happiness in his eyes.

conor’s house looked gloomier than usual. a certain eeriness seemed to cloud it’s once cheery persona. no one could be heard inside the house, and the “for sale” sign outside taunted eamon with the fact that his sham would be gone as soon as it read “sold.” this wasn’t how he remembered his lead singer’s humble abode, something was different. 

with the last bit of courage, rabbit boy found himself hesitantly walking up the pebbled sidewalk of the suburban dublin house, not ready to face whatever facts that were about to be spilt. the doorbell rang for less than 2 seconds before conor’s mom opened it, her eyes were swollen and the harsh smell of hash was definitely radiating off of her. his dad came running to the door, followed by brendan and anna, conor’s siblings. all of their faces were sunken in compared to how eamon saw them a week ago. 

“uh- is conor here?” he mumbled, pushing one foot out in front of him and balancing on the ball of it, trying to see past the cluttered lawlor hallway. 

his best shams mother’s face dropped to the floor instantly. eams twisted his eyebrows together, his heartbeat close to the fatalpulse. he felt dizzy, hoping to god whatever happened wasn’t horrible.

“eamon. he didn’t tell you, did he?” brendan’s voice yelled.

rabbit boy never knew exactly what the feeling of desperation felt like until that exact moment. he was desperate to know what happened, and why the lawlor family was in shambles, and what conor should’ve told him. everything was happening too fast, instead of his heartbeat speeding up, it sped down almost to a halt. a lump in his throat formed, but he was unsure whether or not it was his guts or the mars bar he got from the canteen for lunch. 

“come in, sweetie.” conor’s mom whispered, gesturing her hand to the welcoming mat the sat on the other side of the door eamon stood. 

he swiftly entered and lazily kicked off his white trainers. brendan slung his arm around rabbit boy’s shoulder, escorting him into the living room that smelt of ashes and alcohol (specifically jack daniels). the whole family sat on the dilapidated couch, leaving eams to sit on the ottoman alone, his body shaking. 

conor’s father took a deep breath.

“he- he ran away.” it was barely above a whisper, but it screamed to the 15 year old boy across from him. 

eamon felt his brain shutting down. his whole body immediately became numb, and his mouth became the sahara desert. he didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. a million voices muttered their 2 cents in his head, none of them saying good things. his stomach dropped to his feet as it settled in. if this was heartbreak, he didn’t know how anyone could deal with it.

a fragile “what?” was all that managed to escape his lips. 

his leader singer’s ma nodded and gently placed her hand on his bouncing knee. eamon just stared at her, his head spinning. 

“where did ‘e go?” he breathed, letting go of oxygen he didn’t know he was storing in his lungs. 

“england. with his grandfather’s boat. that raphina chick went with him, brendan drove them to the doc after your guys’ gig last night.” his dad muttered, sending daggers to his eldest son.

the feeling of sadness bubbling in eams’ gut was quickly replaced with anger as her name seeped from his lips. a sense of betrayal was in his veins as he realized that conor left him for her. his fairytale came to a beautiful ending, but rabbit boy’s came to a screeching halt. 

“he made it okay, right?” he asked, his voice cracking with the copious amounts of feelings that were unnameable.

brendan looked over at his dad, making sure that his eyes weren’t screaming to remain quiet. they weren’t.

“him and raphina called me as soon as they got there. the last he told me they were going to a duran duran concert on saturday night they somehow scraped the money to get tickets for.” 

in that minute, he decided that he would use his new guitar money on the last ferry on friday. he had to see conor again and get the explanation he needed and deserved. he was conor’s best sham after all, or so he thought. no one in their right mind would pack up and leave without telling the people who loved him. 

“o-okay.” he stood up, his legs wobbly under his weight. “i’m just gonna go home now if that’s okay?” 

the lawlor family followed him to the door and waved him down their sidewalk. once he was out of sight, his vision blurred with tears. they caressed his cheeks as they cascaded to the dublin streets. his face was becoming patchy and his skin felt tight around his torso. every emotion, good or bad, he had ever related to conor was resurfacing. his pink, plump lips and grabbable hips haunted his thoughts. nobody had this much control over him before, he reminisced of when he completely accepted that fact, but now he wished more than anything it was fiction. 

rabbit boy couldn’t sleep that night, nothing his ma told him could ease the ache in his lungs every time he took a breath. he tried to write a song, play his instruments, even had half of a smoke he stole from his mom’s purse last week. nothing was working, if anything it made it worse. he did all of those things with the person he was trying to forget, they were tainted with the memory of him. 

he didn’t show up to school the next day, fearing that if he saw the gates he would crumple under the pressure the inside of them brought. be manly was the school’s motto, but he sure as hell wasn’t doing that right now. even if he did put up a wall, it would have a tremendous amount of cracks in the base. it would most definitely fall down if someone even looked at him wrong. 

-

friday night was completely different. eamon’s adrenaline was overflowing, causing him to be unable to stand still. he almost spilled his plan to his ma twice, but each time he caught himself in the nick of time. he had to go to england, he felt as if he life depended on seeing the 15 year old boy again. yes, he crushed his soul, but eams was simply lovesick teenager. he didn’t know any better, and no one had the authority over his decisions when it came to conor. no one. 

once he could hear his mother lightly snoring through the wall they shared, eamon grabbed his destroyed duffle bag and threw the nicest outfit he could think of in it. he waved to his rabbits, quietly promising he’d be back before the weekend came to an end. slowly, he slipped out of his trailer home and hopped on his silver, rusted bike. 

the wind blew in his hair, and his once knotted stomach now filled with energy. his exposed skin became an unnatural shade of red, yet he continued to go as fast as his legs could pedal. once the ferry dock came into view, eamon could feel a lack of oxygen swimming in his lungs. he was actually doing this. 

-

the boat ride was long and painful, but it had to happen. eamon changed in one of the disgusting cubicles into his best outfit (jean jacket, grey sleeveless sweater, black jeans), trying to avoid touching the floor or the toilet with any of his belongings. 

as they hit the mainland, rabbit boy was one of the first ones off. it was break of dawn, the black clouds were laced with subtle hints of tangerine and peach. he took a steady breath and smiled. he was once again on the same land mass of his best sham, he could feel it in the air. 

he spent the daylight wandering the streets of wales, slowly finding his way to the pub duran duran were playing that evening. a groupie of theirs gave him a ticket for cheap once he got there, she was most definitely eyeing him up. all he wanted to eye up was conor.

-

it was 15 minutes before the door to the concert venue opened, and eamon couldn’t tell whether he was more anxious to see duran duran live or see conor again after 4 days of sulking in his absence. a couple nice girls around his age came up to him, smiling their faces off. they chatted to him for a bit before seeing their boyfriends and running off. 

as soon as the wooden door creaked open, 200 people, including rabbit boy, practically ran into the pub. it was very dark for a moment, before the counter turned on their lights so people could find booze easier. eamon stood by there, hoping that the man he went all the way from dublin to see would pass by. 

the concert began with the opening act, an underground band that really just sounded like a rip off version of talking heads. eamon sighed, his hope once again drifting to the gutters. right when the last bit of it was about to simmer, he saw him. his brown corduroy jacket was draped over his arm, there were little beads of sweat running down his forehead, and raphina was in front of him, grasping his hand. but nevertheless, he was there. alive. present in eamon’s space again, and oh boy was he mad. 

eamon trailed him, his blood boiling. seeing him again triggered something, something that sure as hell wasn’t good. he couldn’t stop himself before he pushed conor, causing him to almost topple to the floor. raphina was the first one of the two to notice him, but he just flipped her off. conor looked up, his face changed from anger to confusion as soon as he saw who was behind him.

“eams?” he yelled, letting raphina help him up from the beer stained floor below. 

“don’t call me that.” he retorted, venom laced his every word. “why’d you leave dublin without telling me?” 

before conor could give his sham a reasonable answer, he felt a push against his chest again. conor couldn’t help it, the music echoing the room and the confusion littering his thoughts drove him to do the same, but harder. a crowd of mainly 20-something year old men surrounded the ‘best friends’ as they wailed on each other. both of them were crying, tears streamed down their faces as they took blow after blow from another. they showed no sign of stopping until raphina called the security guard over and he pushed them out of the doors, blood and all. 

under the harsh lighting of the back alley, you could see that cuts and bruises littered their faces. conor had one above his eyebrow that was bleeding, and eamon could tell his nose was broken by the excessive amount of blood clots draining through his nostrils onto his grey sweater. he was breathless, none of the oxygen in his lungs could stay in for long enough. 

“so why’d you leave without giving me a shout?” rabbit boy muttered, stepping backward until his back hit the uneven brick wall behind him.

conor followed. “because i didn’t want you being concerned for me.” 

eamon gazed at him in disbelief, unable to express how stupid and cowardly that was.

“so you think that me finding out from your mother, who by the way looks as if she hasn’t spent a moment without tears in her eyes, was better? for me? for your mother for god’s sake?” you could visibly see conor shrink as eams yelled at him, feeling the weight of the past 4 days of mourning lifting off his shoulders. “i couldn’t function when i found out you ran off. after becoming respected at that hellhole i couldn’t go to it because of what you did. i couldn’t fall asleep, play an instrument, write a song, or even have a bloody cigarette without thinking of you!” 

it was uncontainable. everything that had ever crossed his mind was spilling out of his mouth without a second thought. he’d never been this mad before, but of course he’d never met his lead singer until months ago. the honeymoon phase of the band was all they had before he ran off, and rabbit boy was dropped into the ‘this isn’t working’ phase by himself. he needed conor so badly, it scared him. 

“why do you care so much?” the whisper rolled off conor’s lips, causing eams to stop in his tracks.

conor walked closer to his guitarist, causing his breath to hitch in his already dry throat. the fluorescent lighting above them caught the runaway looking picture perfect. the scratches on his cheek and cut above his left brow brought out another side of him, one that reminded eamon of the day they met at his front door. when he was a mere lad with a black eye and desperately needed a band member, not yet someone who could change eams’ mind with a brush on the shoulder or a glance in his direction. oh, there was no denying it anymore. the 15 year-old with the mullet and love for rabbits was utterly and horribly falling for the boy who started their band for a girl. 

“because i love you, you fool.” he breathed, staring at the other’s lips. they were untouched by any of the blood streaming down his face, perfectly kissable. 

eamon refrained himself.

“but it’s always about raphina with you. ‘i need help writing a song for raphina.’ ‘raphina likes our new song.’ ‘can we ask raphina to be in the music video?’ she’s the reason why our friendship bloody started. you even ran off with her in the end. never have the best shams fallen in love. trust me.” rabbit boy expected an eye roll, or another argument to begin after his bitter words left his mouth, but the opposite happened.

“maybe that was because i really wanted an excuse to see you more.” conor’s bruised hand raised to eamon’s flushed cheeks, lightly sweeping the back of it on his left cheekbone.

skin on skin contact. the two have shared it before, but never like this. an intimate feeling reigned above them, ruling any thought or motion they did, or didn’t, do in this moment. their eyes were connected, hazel to green. eams’ hands were becoming uncomfortably clammy, the proximity to his lead singer was driving him mad. more contact was needed, less clothes were optional. anything to feel his sun kissed skin against his irish pale skin. he shifted his weight onto his other foot. he wouldn’t dare to score him right here, not when raphina could walk out any minute. 

“you’re just saying that. you ran off with her- that kinda shows where your priorities lay, mate.” he wiped some blood off his nose, ignoring the signals buzzing in the back of his mind.

the lawlor boy exhaled.

“when did you start liking me?” the runaway turned his head down to stare at their shoes. 

right then, the opening riff of duran duran’s ‘rio’ vibrated the pub next to them. eamon smiled to himself as memories of the first sing street band practice filled his vision. they were so horrid, yet they left his living room feeling as if invisible crowns sat atop their heads. conor noticed his absence of the present moment, and everything clicked. 

“you had to lipsync the words to me so i’d know my proper queues. that’s when, wasn’t it?” the lead singer deduced, smirking ever so slightly. rabbit boy nodded, swallowing the air in his mouth. 

they remained silent, letting the noise of the concert be the main source of noise in the downtown wales alley. conor made the first move, letting his hand wander to eamon’s purple knuckled one. the touch lingered, an underlying sense of comfort echoed it. steadily, rabbit boy eased into the feeling of his hand pressed against the other’s. he gently squeezed it, letting his fingers become comfortable with the unknown sense of having someone. 

eams gazed at the 15 year old runaway in complete aw. his greasy hair looked so tuggable, it taunted him. no one had ever looked so amazing while they were bleeding, cut and bruised. this was the moment he’s prayed for for ages. it’s now or eamon will have to forever hold his peace. 

they connect eyes, both of their breaths shallow. slowly, they collide. passion fills their veins, causing conor to push eamon completely against the wall. kiss after kiss after kiss, nothing seemed more right. neither have them have felt this electricity with someone. the craving of the other's skin was new territory, but it was exciting. 

conor’s mouth moved down to the base of eamon’s neck, placing soft scores above his collarbone. eams’ fingers twirled through his sham’s brown hair, gently pulling each strand. happiness clouded his thoughts as everything fell into place. there he was, conor’s lips against his neck, the soft melodies of their vocal chords filling the air. content was the best way to describe the untouchable sensation.

that was quickly replaced when the back door swung open, revealing raphina. her hair was stuck in every direction, and her makeup was practically nonexistent. noticing the lack of music, eamon pushed conor off of his neck, clearing his throat quite obnoxiously. the other boy knotted his eyebrows before hearing raphina’s heels clicking on the concrete behind them. 

“conor, what’re you doing?” she muttered, cocking her head to the side in disbelief. the boy in question stammered, looking around as if the clouds were going to give him an answer. 

“uh, well um,” he started, “not quite sure.” his lips quivered into an apologetic smile. 

eamon glared at the back of his head, covering his exposed upper chest. that wasn’t the answer he wanted, but of course it was the answer conor would tell her. he’s still in love with her, and he’s still the best friend. nothing more, nothing less.

“it doesn’t look like ‘not quite sure,’ cosmo. i’ve never seen eamon that flustered in my bloody life.” she gestured toward the boy who was pushing up his glasses and trying, but failing, to fix his hair.

“oh. he uh, told me something and i guess it escalated to that.” 

raphina rose her eyebrow, laughing under her breath. “it’s okay conor, we weren’t official.” 

the two sigh deeply, relief washing their faces. 

“go hang out with eams, i’m sure that you guys have a lot to talk about.” she winked, waving her fingers. “but don’t ditch me.” 

conor crossed over his heart and took the other boy off the wall, letting their hands find each other again. under the wales night, the two find their way back to the ibis hotel. crooked smiles line their lips as they stare at the cracked sidewalk. nothing could’ve made them happier.

-

the sunlight shone through the white curtains, causing eamon to shift around to find a darker place to rest his head. with no success, he opened his eyes. him and conor were spread on the motel bed, only covered by their undershirts and boxers. the blanket was somewhere on the blue carpeted floor, but that didn’t matter.

rabbit boy lied back down, nuzzling his head into the other’s chest. conor moaned softly, naturally wrapping his arms around his sham. slowly, he opened his eyes and excessively blinked until the cobwebs of the night broke away from his emerald green orbs. he scored eamon’s hair, muttering “good morning” into his greasy mullet. sighing, eams shuffled out of the runaway’s grasp before sitting up and facing him.

“ ‘ve gotta leave today, mate.” he shrugged, pushing up his wired frames. “i have school tomorrow, and my ma is going to want to kick my ass for skipping work yesterday.” 

conor sat up as well, his face turning into one of disbelief. he moved himself closer to the guitarist, placing his bruised hand on his knee. 

“plus i’m going to haveta explain why i have a broken nose, at least one hickey, and bruises literally everywhere.” eamon flopped on his back, letting the impact of the fall bounce him up again. conor laughed.

“sorry about that, eams.” he crawled on top of eamon, straddling his frail figure. 

“don’t apologize, your gash is pretty bad as well. anyway, it was all great craic.” he grinned.

the 15 year-old boys rolled around the mattress for the next hour, filling the room with laughter and the sounds of stolen kisses. it was if they were in a scene from a chick-flick. the morning sunshine was the only source of lighting needed, and it hit the two of them perfectly. never before had they seen anyone who pulled off bruises like the other. conor refrained himself from reclaiming eamon as his own, whereas eams got to leave his own bruise on the middle of conor’s neck, pretty much spot on of where he had his own. there was no way in hell he could hide it with his school uniform tomorrow.

at 1pm, they had to face the bittersweet music. the runaway grabbed a shirt that rabbit boy could borrow, seeing that his sweater was far from saving due to the copious amount of blood staining the collar. once they looked remotely presentable, the two wandered to the ferry dock, undoubtedly getting lost more than once purposely. 

the honking of the boats caused the sugar coating they were sprinkling on the truth to be washed away, leaving the ugly reality. eamon was leaving for who knew how long. after getting his desired closure and a bit more, the ocean would once again separate him from the person he fought so hard for. 

after buying a ticket for the 2:15pm leaving, they had to say goodbye. conor was sobbing softly, gripping his significant other’s hand like it was his last line of hope. eams stared at the ocean, trying not to get choked up himself. his hair was ruffling against the wind, and his glasses hid the upset hue in his eyes. 

“i don’t know when i’ll come back. this trip was bleedin’ expensive.” eamon whispered, looking back at the runaway. 

“that’s fair.” 

they remained silent, just absorbing the feeling of having each other there. it was hard to say goodbye after a short visit, but it had to be done. after fighting, crying, and kissing, the story was coming to an end, no specific date of when the sequel would be pursued. it was exactly the essence of them though. they’d finally have everything in place, then someone would rip out a middle piece. the puzzle of their lives together could only be complete for so long. whether it was with the band or with the romance, something was always going to be blowing against their grain. 

a ferry pulled into the station, honking. they looked over, an unsettling feeling burying itself deep in both their guts. conor let go of his guitarists hands, no longer able to hold him back any longer. it was inevitable. 

this time, rabbit boy was the one to stride away from the other. he turned back and waved before boarding with the 6 other carless passengers. the lead singer didn’t dare move from his spot. but this wasn’t some romantic film, once eamon was gone, he was gone until he could afford another trip to wales. he wouldn’t come running back and kiss him. he had school tomorrow and a ma to take care of. coming back here was currently quite low on his to-do list compared to some things.

eamon found himself wandering to the viewing deck of the boat. he could see his sham sitting in the grass, staring back. he didn’t dare to wave, he just watched as the boy turned into a dot, which progressively turned into nothing. there was no turning back now. 

once eams landed on irish soil, he stared at the horizon. he could just barely see the coast of wales, but he knew conor was looking too, and that comforted him.

**Author's Note:**

> uh so i Did That. not sure how, or why. but it's been done,,,,


End file.
